My brain became a letter box Spitting friendly acids all over face And smiling as it slides off – Happiness as - like how basement shows And pretty people And cups of coffee To keep us all awake Will be the thing That might get me home today Screaming joyously to say; “For tonight at last I am bright yellow And flipping birds to blues and greens” But only surrendering when All inhibitions just unfolded Melt away – no one’s left crying Just brush it away

Make it like the closed shades With blinds drawn in closed circles And the redundancy & checks Are acid waves to break at our ankles Swallow whole the small red bits It may even slight up the shade Or saturate the hurt with spit And think we're breaking into better days Make it like a locked door For 2 weeks at a time And homicide can be legal If the victim gets a prescription pills Goes down easier if you have Something sedative and a glass of water shot into The biggest vein somewhere above the heart I act like I don't know but I'm just pretending to be smart Painkillers are just cracking joints, at once it lifts it all, only to have all the two tons come back four fold. I wish I had something To make this go away A little downer To get on the up & up But I'm not giving up On my brain or on my heart I want to the pain to remind me I'm alive

Seagulls holding olive branches They’re busy propagating peace While breaking away clouds And digging up the trash To clean up in the area Around our pacing feet If we would let these birds finish The ground would be a cleaner place Earth moving towards solidarity Not among just men but the winged

A success then as a waitress But now things are even better Mom I hope you'll get my letter Now I've finally made it to the big time I'm now working in a musical so don't mind me if I talk in rhyme Whoops! There I go again! At the red carpet at some award show Smile & wave for my life White dwarves may last but super giants kick ass Be just like you want me to I made a killing on the neon screen Stay away from the ghetto 'cept for charity World I hope you get my message Poverty and illness need to end! While I travel 'round the world & burn gas in My first-class Mercedes Benz At the red carpet at some award show Smile & wave for my life White dwarves may last but super giants kick ass Be just like you want me to

Do the death ball Do the wolf call To the firestorm Do the moonsault I'll pinch out your eyeballs And I will knife at your fat rolls I'll wring your neck just like a towel And it soaked up the Red Sea Your fingers getting caught in the car window Speed off a cliff 500 feet down And you tell me you see the value in death? You're gonna tell me you see the value in death? Do the death ball Do the wolf call To the firestorm Do the moonsault Every bone inside your body Is broken verily & for a good reason You commit one safety treason By exiting a moving car/roller coaster And you took on a grizzly bear Communist or otherwise What a shitty idea that was Now you're gone forever, forever, forever You're in pieces on the floor You're in pieces on the living room floor You cut off your own head, you heard it was a good idea You cut off your own head And your legs, and your feet, and everything else You really loved your parents If you'd only followed their platitudes...

Something is missing from my days But my finger it cannot place I own one-thousand records But my room it has no sound If I bother eat food It’ll all just come back out Might as well rip out my stomach And do away with all my gout My tongue gets bloody from all the biting Holding back all the words I don’t want to say; Like fuck yourself and all your ambition You wanna get married and get a high paying job? I’ll subsist quietly off my own means That’s the only thing that I’ll say I need

I’m sittin’ under a tree I have some shade from the heat I feel content Like I never have before I could sit all day Maybe take a nap Read a book, never look At the sick world all around me In the grass in the grass in the grass in the grass... I’ll blind my eyes So I can’t see it In the light of the Sun Almost gets like boring seems fun Oooooooo Ahhhhhhh Oooooooo Ahhhhhhh

Haven't got the time I'm on the way Have other motivations Then what I would ever say And I'll never learn With such distractions so near And I'll never learn How to cope with this fear That somebody knows How frozen waters flow I would surely drown If only after to breathe you in When its passing through my head I just kick my feet against my desk A heart will surely speak What eyes could never show What the mouth don't want to speak By that turn I'm feeling weak And I don't think anybody knows How these frozen waters flow 5-0 lost as to the means By which I fall into your light beams Fall out as fast as I came in 45 pass - fuck every single dream The eyes in my head & in my mind Don't agree on their living scope Perfect frozen waters can Drown you if they overflow I'll keep myself down low So everyone can still breath air (If only I still get to breath fresh air I don't know if I care about anything else anymore That's all that matters to me Just to keep breathing)

I can never be seen But rest assured I'll fuck this all up I won't breathe easy Unless I'm in 50 different places And expanding And mutating Until I'm in you forever It could all be benign Or I could just up and take your life What's important is that we'll find out together If you kill me and I die With my cell drones I'll go down fighting And happy knowing I'm not alone My bygone lover

Some of you remind me Of those days I was awkward How you pushed me out here When I couldn't look you in the eye So please leave now before I break I have a repression to practice How for one moment I Fell from her catonically While we were trying to save the helpless But you were already gone – fucking away Just in time – all fucking through So I can't wait for future days All of the faces – none of the names

Will I wait for you to leave? Well yeah, your ways are sickening But one dimension doesn’t pan out like you Might expect when you have a crowded shore I feel what I want just when I want I do what I want just when I want I hate what I want just when I want I forget what I want just when I want It may transgress logic But that never concerned me I look before I leap and now I need at least another hour of sleep Your lipstick use is liberal enough That I shrug my shoulders and wonder where it went wrong I can’t hide my smile when I see you by chance Just like disappointment when you begin to speak Caffeine delusions and delirium Only can last so long Now I’ve hit a threshold And I’m bored singing a stupid song And call me sucked into your whirlpool An end of days sick reckoning Cuz I don’t think it’s wrong, and I don’t think it’s good And I don’t even think that I should, so, so what? Will I wait for you to leave? Well yeah, your ways are sickening But one dimension doesn’t pan out like you Might expect when you have a crowded shore I feel what I want just when I want I do what I want just when I want I hate what I want just when I want I forget what I want just when I want Torn down the middle the middle between my conscious and subconscious thoughts, urges, and dreams. I wish I had the words to say what exactly that means but all I have are approximations of the idea that sort of gestures to this love/hate sort of feeling that I'm nursing. I wish I could move past this and just settle on a neutrality that won't cause me so many damn problems and so much stupid strife... but I think I like being overwhelmed like this, for whatever reason. It's pretty fucked up.

Born too early for the end of the world Born too late not to care Born too early to feel the rush of the seas Born too late to see 1 million honey bees We were all born at just the wrong time We were all born at the wrong time Born too late for the British invasion Born too early for that brand new sound You wish to be part of some new scene But in the end it’s just in your fucking dreams We were all born at just the wrong time We were all born at the wrong time Born too early to neighborhood space Born too late for a FIERY EARTH PLACE Born too early and barely born at all Born too late to live without telephone calls Born in gutter, but still born in the hospital Born for a person that you'll never ever know Dying for something you're not sure you believe in Everyday told about dying for sins We were all born at just the wrong time We were all born at the wrong time

What the fuck? My life is moving on. And I might never be used to it Not even when it finally happens And I'll never say My goodbye's to everyone And wonder what's going to happen now When things at once will start to happen But it will still feel like nothing is even happening at all Because to live in this moment Is to later relive these days As purple and red memories Daydreams endlessly collected So I guess The only way to face this part of life Is to just begin to Move on together

I took a liking to the bitter cold last night It was alright, alright Saw some short girl take a fall on the pallid ice It was cooler, coolest Of a distance she was familiar, and now I shouldn’t have laughed, have laughed I really got used to walking on thin ice I then broke through, fell through Could I then be pulled out and saved against my will Shit was trying, trying And you know my last girl called me a plain ice queen Slipping, ice melt If I’m hard ice, then you’re far too soft for me Too soft, feeling I scorn sensitivity and chew on emotion Bitter, white cold I crickled cracked but you cut me some flack What’s up, with that? It’s been a while I crack a toothy smile You crack me once You can’t do it again I’m black ice and you You’re far too soft for me

Never start thinking If at all you ever stop Cogs, cogs, water rusted Keep it down Swallow like your last dinner No one can hear you speak Throat with a freezer There to shut another thought Keep it down Swallow into ones' guts an etherium of twisting Does your pillow not look appealing, lay in it, just lay down now Lay in it, just lay down Assimilate bed bound what's on your mind Go to sleep forever and swallow your dimes (2x) Keep it down etc. etc. Swallow forever and ever and ever and ever and etc. Never start thinking Don't bother start at all Trouble enough already To stand up straight and tall I only need some fresh air man Just need a single step outside Icy water stares down the swelling I only need some air man Keep it down Keep it down

I began to ask the author What they could have meant by this But I was talking to a blank page Because my book didn't know how to end And suddenly I was crying At 2 AM on Monday night With no expectation of its meaning Call me a sap for prose aesthetic But someone surreal Seems so much more real With short fingers like veins And eyes like wild fires So to just self-destruct Makes my soul fucking erupt But history just shrugs its shoulders And my present blinks its eyes in frenzy And the future thumbs its nose at my past Because it knows now what I didn't know back then And apathy calls for a Now & Later So for a moment I lose myself In sweet memories

Where are you now? Well, I'm pushing a plow I'll grow the seeds You were kind enough to lend to me I'll kiss them as I plant them And soon they will grow in brown Oh yeah, Paul is right, I'm down These seeds lie saying that They'll be a tree Now they're dead And they're laughing at me

You couldn’t keep a secret Shit yeah - I really mean it I entrusted you with intel But your little mouth just slips But no one would ever believe you I look just like the rest Do not take me to court now Don't start to put me on trial Because I’ll get the greatest lawyer And I’ll wear my greatest mask And both our times will have been wasted

Cutting through the nonsense To pierce the pulsing heart of truth What is beautiful if it's contrived? But to speak it leads to trouble rearing its head? And you used to be on my side Before your breathe became a cigarette And your fingers became 10 little lies who would shoot their mouth on me Without batting an eyelash, while fumbling the gun What to be as a role To be a bumbling aesthete Pictures becoming words Painting a philosophy concrete While as it dries, it dies.

These clears running red And warfare is set This time in the winter Where the streetlights at five Play figures against the sky And they fall down To be the function of combat Watch the blood fill the streetlights Midtown is on fire See bitten skin off in the teeth Watch the world burn

Black lines recite back all the false verse I spat OK, fine then, I guess I'm covered there It's a bit like drowning, breaking Wave goodbye to those Eight Letters tonight Silver sharpie stars are sometimes all that's speaking And they speak in stupid, mumbled stutters Reflecting back on kicked up lawn shit And shifted swiftly off the locked door way And towards blue spheres - simplicity away (I loved you) I loved you And that was a problem I guess it was my problem (I guess) I loved you and that was a problem My problem, I guess Black lines recite back all the false verse I spat OK, fine then, I guess I'm covered there It's a bit like drowning, breaking I gotta wave goodbye to those Eight Letters tonight Silver sharpie stars are sometimes all that's speaking And silver sharpie stars are sometimes only whispering If you could be the star of my eye Well maybe I won't have to just lay down and die But I guess refusal just gets me that way

I woke up in the afternoon As I walked in the kitchen saw you sitting toe-tapping Heard a stomach growling 3 yards away I was happy to oblige Cereal and waffles to start the day And sweetheart you look lovely may I say I set the table, meticulous and so well Was OK with you that I pulled the paper plates out "About that movie, wasn't it a drag? Broken plot and the humor was like a wet rag Was the best time that I had in months Watching shit movies with a boyfriend on my arm" Then we got home and listened to the storm Oops I am so sorry that I spilled syrup on your jeans I swear it wasn't malice, no that's not what I mean I never meant to send the message that you need to be more sweet I'll lend you my shirt today but I'm sure that it won't fit She then laughed and shook her head "Now get me a sponge you fucking idiot" As I walked to get her one I went and slipped on my own feet This sponge is yellow, and my favorite color is green (But that's fine, that's just... it's totally fine) Oops I am so sorry that I spilled syrup on your jeans I swear it wasn't malice, no that's not what I mean I never meant to send the message that you need to be more sweet I'll lend you my shirt today but I'm sure that it won't fit I'll lend you my shirt today, girl, but I'm sure that it won't fit

As I walked by I got a sudden strong urge to say to her; "You look just like how I think The girl in 'Diamond As Big As The Ritz' would have looked" But that would only make sense To a very select few Who internalized Fitzgerald's works and would understand that as a compliment But instead you handed me my change for a 10 dollar bill We exchanged small smiles of courtesy Well, that really shouldn't be taken too lightly When I was 9 I was psychoanalyzed My dad said, quote, "When you were a baby you went a year without smiling" So be damn impressed When I grin and I jest Because that might just be Me at my current best Fallen at this year From all of my dreams My beautiful chemical madness Or so it seems Oh, and how pretty it could be through a lens It was really a delight to be utterly mad But the grid falls down like a longstanding filter removed Like a star falling down and the temperature dropping Leaving me in a lot, making angels in the dust To leave me to the snow, to learn all of what you know To crawl upon the stone, to see how far there is to go

Something is going wrong And I don’t know what it is All the greedy people eating food across the land Wait until the cows come home So they can show us how they do it Theirs is just the noble way We could save the trees now But only if we use our hands And the world could love us But only if we love it back You bought all your bathroom tissue at 35 cents a roll But did you ever bother think 'bout what you brought on mother earth There’s a way to fix that problem And keep every party clean And I'm here to tell you just what that means We could save the trees now But only if we use our hands And the world could love us But only if we love it back

Over to a fire fountain Of bubbling alcohol and regret How did a young man turn out so Incomplete of form and mental waste Can’t trust a beggar with gilded gold Especially so young but with a brain so old 18 years I’m figuring That’s it’s too late to go back Some things just turn out wrong No mind could be more scattered unless it was blown off across the floor A walking, talking disaster of remembrance A slothful crashing of disorganization An arthritic heart of silence and pale A nubile life setting fire to the veil Everybody drops out far too soon There is no race just a ride to nirvana He’s probably right Not going anyplace soon Mindlessly crawling forward Until the cliff drops 300 feet down Leave it up to me To fall in love with mysteries Snow day’s false angels start to melt Like me and you and everything else Too much of a disappointment Not living up to much I have an urge to hop a train Where pity flowers but it’s just a crutch Over to a fire fountain Of bubbling alcohol and regret How did a young man turn out so Incomplete of form and mental waste Can’t trust a beggar with gilded gold Especially so young but with a brain so old

I wish I could just call this Some sort of insane fit But how the collarbone met with My sloped shoulders' pointed ends It seemed the most darkly beautiful thing That I believe that I have ever seen Just got up the bravery this morning While flying fishes left my fingers And my dying breath was muttering; "This is all completely wrong" Because when I walked all of these lands down I was painting in the art of being alone

Keep seeing that girl same damn time every day I follow through with my promise Made to myself that one time I feel alone 'cause she don't get me I'm all alone 'cause she don't get me Throw this dog a bone He might just treat it like a throne Throw this dog a bone He might just treat it as his throne Cuz' I'm alone Just one little laugh Maybe a glimpse of your past She's the same girl How I long to get into her world But I'm all alone I could cry 'till the night But nothing would be left alright Throw this dog a bone He might just treat it like a throne Throw this dog a bone He might just treat it as his throne Cuz' I am alone Does she wear such clothes To strike a chord Upset my discord How I see - want to be a free Of her band shirts and perfect eyes I could write on your wall With a pencil as my soul But never mind What that? Alone. You're not my type - I don't care Haven't got a type anyway Wonder why I'm alone It's pretty obvious why I am alone