What's the point of life if it don't change It almost scared me how everything stayed the same For the last days before I quit out of my job I was so ready to leave that it almost killed me It felt a little bit like a deja vu Let the bulb burn out & start to bid adieu Something's will be just alright And other's will burn to a withered light But the ruin will never fade I make of memory a new sense of real For the sake of changing seasons I gave up the wheel Still imagine a life where they're still in it But I imagine a lot of stuff some of it just stories Comfortable thinking to make medicine go down easy What's the point of minds if they don't change? Chemically imbalanced or plain just all the same For the last months before I quit out of life I was so scared to leave it almost killed me It felt a little bit like starting over Truth to a blank just like the luck of clovers But without a re-spec it's so hard to go it different Just another lake to take to while I'm away & drifting But the same will not fade so easy I make of memory a new sense of real For the sake of changing seasons I gave up the wheel Still imagine a life where they're still in it But I imagine a lot of stuff some of it just stories Comfortable thinking to make medicine go down easy

I've been thinking lately About how easy that I have it But easy can make it feel like The walls are closing in So I gotta grab a hammer And break my ease up into pieces Like a favorite pair of pants it tears And rips at seams 'till you can't wear them One day will be the last and you won't even realize it Because habit and routine have their way of sinking claws in The life that I dream is always one day away from current Sixteen And change Twenty-sixteen Lost flames Burning flowers for a girl who should have never had a name My way of seeing time has been shaped by hurt & disgrace I've been thinking lately That I haven't got much plans And that indecision feels like The ground is peeling back So I gotta grab a tree branch And get a grip material & mental I've got some bullshit on this plate And there's not much to do to compensate There's not a place to buy a pair of pants That feels like it fits my mood any more So when I wear them will I tear them And never look cool or slick again The way that I wanna look Is always one piece of cloth from current

Idealism is such a dead scene When you got spinning storms & rising seas The world needs a big kick in its ass And while we're here, I need a kick in the teeth Futurism, you know, is a dead barren dream Because if we could invent away poverty We'd let it line pockets while millions go starving And they say folk's become such a dead place Can't really argue when it left with no trace But if we have acoustic guitars Or anything strummed from where we believe Songs, you know, are the main language we speak And if we could pluck & pick away poverty There wouldn't be such a thing as starving But nonetheless Things get worse Despite it all Shit just gets worse So how did we get to this point? Idealism for fools and utopia for suckers Where are my comrades' hearts forged? In the embers of solicitude? And not those, hearts broken By the tragedy of living life now I can't front, I'm there On the frontlines of the desperate Leaving sighs like wilting flowers When life is just to turn a profit And that alienation gets misplaced So vampires live unnoticed And because of that The world gets sadder And in this life Things just get sadder Despite the best Gloom is a constant And undying light Is falling unconscious

Artistic aspirations Don't mean a thing for now There are bigger fish in the frying sea Things that we wanted that it feels like there'll never ever be The shape of the future just a fog of uncertainty But that's alright If I never stop to think about it It's alright When I never leave my bedroom It's alright If I disconnect my internet It's alright Except it's really not alright Been starting to feel lately that I can't bring myself to to think Not for lack of time but just initiative It's boring how the only things that ever get time are emotionally obvious Because things more complex then age 8 have not ever been worth it I really can't remember a time I understood Either ADD or ASD or something else that's wringing me out I'll roll until my pencil's blunt & treat my heart like that Kick this somber sickness in the gut until I pass out heaving But it's alright Yeah right, I think I'm telling stories 'Cuz it's alright Only if you got the dirty money to escape It's fucked up That privilege can be insulating Like you just live another life & forever close your eyes But it's alright It's alright It won't be this bleak forever, right?

I have a dream of A basement in Sagurties Or Woodstock, Hunter Mountain, or something like that Where no storms will Touch the instruments And no one will hear the noise that cracks the walls and mattresses 30 square feet and bursting pipes Are the most punk thing you could ever need Oh I dream and I dream and I dream To fill all these gaps in reality Like a dip in a creek running down Sugarloaf A place Neil Young would have forgotten about Old hippies quit but no we won't do it Sleep at the hotel Dylan and know nothing is really sacred Electric guitar making thunderstorms of song The drum & bass kick in just like summer squalls Then we sleep the night in beds warm enough Sheets to our chin, hand to hand, hair to hip Eye shut so tight, open to perfect dark An backyard oven bird nest getting choked up by the snow And you know It'll be easy to get some sleep I had a dream of A place proudly standing Amongst armies of ants and bees and besieged by bears Where in the quiet nights Punk & folk songs make for lullabies And concerts get held nightly at a place where stars are screaming "Attention to Earth, my egg & my child You're in the presence of sky, so start to pay attention" And I will.

Back in 2012 I had a song I never finished About all the people who should've been friends Looking back it feel so stupid & so trivial When the whole world was still in my grasp So write that on my wall Make sure to mark a memory Because if I can't express in song I might forget just what it means to me And I don't wanna forget Like writing on the door in a room I'd never been The smallest things ring out in the loudest way Collecting all the memories like marbles in a bag Shining gems imperfect and softly tumbled in my hand The wall is a document through time But personal, a scribe of life and constant moving But I don't even have yearbook autographs Hell, I don't even have any old yearbooks Because I had given up up on social life So soon to crack it seems so stupid But I was severe, a rock floating sternly No one touches me and I don't touch nobody If a door goes off its hinges It no longer leads to anywhere So where did all the thoughts go When the wall cracked & people split? Did they clean up their act And get a good job or fall off the track? I really don't know And they probably don't know either Because I've caked my walls with posters And it's impossible to see beneath them And that's not weird to see these days At least I do not think so. 'Cuz we're all covering up one thing or another Back in 2016 I had a thought I didn't complete About changing up direction & messing up the pieces Looking back it seems so inspired Being clean enough to wanna make a change So write that on my wall for me Hands too weak hack it Because when I can't make a verse Everything tends towards turning shit And it's not what I wanna see

It's such a mess to get this all in order When the streets are filling up with blood Never seen so much ACAB or red roses but still We have liberals pulling a for safety we can longer have Building safety off violence like a house made of glass It can look kinda pretty but it won't ever last With no justice, no peace, infected with disease A cough drop for COVID, a bandage for police But that don't work like a burnt flag Or a closed fist in the air And we have riots on the ground But regression for elections What do I mean peace it's illusory I'm 27 years old so it's only a dream So, you look for comfort like a holy grail A tragic quest beset with expectation to fail We can deal with that but not the terror of existence So we resign ourselves to myth & ignorance Stories & fiction & narratives we like A chasm of darkness cut by small tendrils of light And what could I expect? All this country has is fantasy Otherwise it would collapse Under the weight of crimes it commits Be more like yr' dad boy Put that nose to the grindstone Life's kind of an embarrassment But you're still the most embarrassing Sore back from 20 hours working Because it's too much of my precious time 8 hours for sleep 2 hours for work And 14 for whatever fuckin' suits you You are more important than your work And I know That seems kinda crazy But I guess that's punk fer 'ya

Practiced my creation Chasing a dopamine rush But it's never satisfying Nothing's every good enough Made off like a bandit Steeling myself into rust It is always mystifying How nothing's ever good enough I remember times Getting hyped only for birthdays It's not like I was a kid But looking back it sure feels fitting Karaoke & castella Cake like clouds so sweet to feel Times I've dropped & years I've left out On the counter I'm sure they've rot by now Meanwhile if I clear this birthday At best a bittersweetly swallowed pill Each year only makes the right way More narrow & closed in still All it takes is moments For my whole brain to fall to shit And to cycle back to old points That I had never bothered fix Despondence & flailing The mediocrity of this shtick So if I break on 28 At best I won't be dead by then Either way I know I'm not thinking straight So far from peace & so far from zen Yeah, yeah, yeah There are people who love me But I'll bet you that it was a habit And I get that my writing's not great My rhymes don't follow in proper fashion But it's my snow storm & perfect weather And I know, I get that it's not making sense My way's not given to common parlance Speaking is lies and writing's even more so Can't fit in anywhere where the people are If I ever talk I'll start to lose my patience To be unreal would be such of a blessing To be unbecome would be simply amazing Yeah, yeah, yeah There are people who love me But I'll bet you that it was a habit Yeah, yeah, yeah I know I'm lying to you know But I had tell the lie to me first Yeah, yeah, yeah It is getting real boring But that boredom put me in the ground fist

Cynical assholes Make cyclical problems Like talking down And making miasma Your praxis rotted Being a nothing master Makes nothing worth it And the world's a bit bleaker I'd rather strap a cape On a rock and let it fly off Or build a boat of paper And sail it across the ocean We all, we all need a single germ to believe in Or we're dead but playing alive Walking corpses - heartbeat swan dive Anger free radicals Radically undoing Revolutionary tracts And acts of resistance To make this lot lighter But for the darkness Go us to a brighter & better tomorrow I'd rather strap a faith To Sun & Moon and pray on that one Leave religion in rock piles A church in dirt & hills & bird songs Wasted time in 20's Getting mad at shit that didn't matter I wanna make it up But that lava still lives inside of me I know it's getting hard to even start to be myself When I don't even know who they are anymore I swear, I swear, I swear The jerks will inherit the Earth And they're gaining more & more ground everyday I really, really don't want to slip into their ranks But they got the story to them And can even make sense But we all need less, regardless

From your front door To the end of your street You can find a whole world And it can feel complete But between butterflies & lizards Other kids & angry neighbors You won't find many who will ever tell When the police car drives by But you're not breaking any rules It can seem almost comforting And that feeling can feel cool But between your parents & your teachers in class And other people who you listen to There's nobody to tell about the robbers & cops For the green lawn crew To the tough and daring-do Keep that ice-cool in your mind And your belly filled with orange rinds They'll take it & wear down the grit 'Till you get all lonely and in the pits But we can all do well and I hope to see No gods, no masters, no bedtimes, we are free If you try to go I'll just try not to give If you grip a brick I'll see to the hand going flying If you grow up Don't you dare outgrow this phase Because it's something eternal - The laws that break at every glance of love

Collect more guns Make for the mountains I'll not get canned foods I'll just not follow humans 'Cuz honestly what the fuck's With this degradation The rich, fat, and appealing Cannot be easily resisted I've been getting paranoid - Millennial anxiety Wish kids of today could tend to tomorrow But future got handed to the irresponsible And we can't even make the heads roll Everything reduced to pure protocol Collect more food Forget about your children They're staying inside 'till the monsters start receding But honestly they're stuck In dialectics of power The cold-hearted machine heads Should never be respected Open up! The knife cuts businesses! Take vials of blood for the owners of capital Bodies for pits & the poor swallowing shit The callousness of this All just makes me feel fucking sick

Dragged out syllables And trading smiles Like Pokémon cards - Strictly transactional I saw a show Saw films & TV That made me start to think of love Techniques & feelings My denial of being The fluttery old feeling Buried deep inside my heart I think I'd like another shot But forget having another shot If it means to be seen and recognized And I think that's a bit too much for me I'll break down into anxiety You know It's wrong to say that you're in love If you don't mean it Otherwise it can be pretty mean So I'll hold up and hold my tongue And give it up and swear off love

I wish the rain would fall forever And march would bend to endless circles Sink this whole world & everyone in it For to the terminal we derive much meaning If there was a date to put on expiration I wouldn't waste my time in garages Pissing away all my working hours There would be a sense of meaning in mortality 2016 was 3 weeks ago And 2014 was 15 years And I can't grasp the meaning But I'm hearing breathing my fears Like oxygen & nitrogen, but there is nothing noble About this lot of living except that it's a waste And not an active state of violence Possums play dead Fake their deaths and build up cred Birds sing simple tunes Fly up high above balloons Bees all keep things flowing While humans don't know where they're going But that's not me, that is not I've stuck mired in mud I'm a cavern dweller This is us, we're all stuck down Scavenging through the dry dirt A parable so passionless Flat expressions of all our hurt

Walk to a cliff And stare out over the edge Watch dimensions swirling Like you're watching the end Of everything Start of a fresh new crop But look too long And you'll start to see stars And you'll maybe go crazy Or simply see clear So clear that it blinds and you spin off in circles I had a break in a target That I didn't know And I wondered to myself Where it all started to go wrong But where things go wrong I get tougher tissue Maybe I'll get tough and wrestle the reigns That day will be like throwing horseshoes To a pole like my spine with an aim like my mind And it will make sense to cry When I am broken in half Back in college There was a girl didn't know She left me alone in my feelings And we never even talked But I thought about her 'Till she just disappeared For good, to dust No name, it's just the same But I put in song because It reminds of when I still dreamed Back when I was so fresh & so green